Isn't it funny how you don't "get" something until several days later?? Well for me, try several years! I co-teach a class called "Discovery" that is sort of like a group counseling session. The students talk a lot about family life, friends...good and not-so-good, school struggles, drugs, etc. I learn so much from these guys, it's almost made me less sympathetic for the average person and their struggles (including myself). During one of these discussions, we were talking about channeling negative experiences into positive energy and motivation. I was telling them about my upbringing; I wasn't abused, just a little neglected. I can remember CPS coming to my school and talking to me about my home life, my neighbors didn't really care for my single, red-headed mom. She always had the door locked and the music blaring when I got home from school, leaving me to bang on the door and scream at the top of my lungs until she heard me and let me in. We didn't have much food around the house, even though she could well afford it. I spent week-ends with my grandparents in Pomeroy...they would pick me up from school on Friday and bring me back on Sunday afternoon. I loved my grandma. My mom re-married when I was 9, much changed for me and my home life after that, for the better. Now, let me back up a bit. My mom met the love of her life when she was 19, that would be my dad. He was 2 years (I believe) older than her, that would make him 21. They were married and had me when they were 22 and 24, living in Alaska, my dad was in the Airforce. My dad was diagnosed shortly after with malignant melanoma (very aggressive skin cancer) that started from a mole on his forehead. The Doctors didn't know much about it then, and told him, prior to diagnosis, that he must be cutting himself shaving. He was very sick for 4 years, my mom took care of the both of us and held down a job as best as she could. There was no family even close to us in Alaska. By the age of 29, my dad died. My mom was 27 and had spent the last 4 years of her life taking care of the man that was supposed to be with her for the rest of HER life.
About 3 years ago, when I was talking to the students about knowing what kind of mom I wanted to be because I didn't have that role-model growing up, I finally figured it out. What the hell? I can't even imagine losing my husband at the age of 27, left with a 5 year old in a state not even remotely close to any family. Not to mention the last 4 years of my marriage is struggling to do whatever possible to make ends meet, always hoping for a miracle. My mom did the best she could for me. She might not have won any Mother of the Year awards, but she has sure made up for it with my son.
Wow, I don't know if I could do what your mom did either. I sometimes think that we don't appreciate our parents until we become parents ourselves. I can remember my mom saying she wished she could be sick instead of me if I came down with something and I always thought that was silly but the other day my son had a fever and was not feeling well and I totally said the same thing.
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